Well at least he’s not a douche for sure.
He was a lot nicer to me because he knew that I wasn’t my usual self.
I just realized how nice he can be sometimes.
And no one will ever notice.
Stay calm. Calm. Breathe.
It’s another miserable day.
You’re never going to love me so it’s no use.
What’s the point of playing. A game you’re going to lose.
I wish I lost my memories.
Sooo awkward whenever we pass each other.
Why do we pretend that we don’t know each other?
Hell, I tried. But you? Nope. Not even.
Maybe it was all just a dream. It feels like it anyways. It was actually one of the best times in my life.
Now, I don’t even remember when I was ever happy.
So it probably was a dream because reality is nightmare for me.
Why can’t I just sleep forever and ever and ever.
I can’t help but laughing at how much I’ve screwed up my life this year. I don’t even know who the hell to ask to sign my yearbook because I don’t even talk to anyone anymore. Well, I guess I’ll just have a blank one.
Was it all just a dream? Ever frinkin single moment we had together. Did it even happen?
It all seems too foggy now.
That just proved how much you can’t trust people. They just walk off and ditch you when they find someone better. Why should I even care? Obviously it’s obvious that it would happen because it has happened repeatedly, so I should be used to it by now.
It still hurts every time. Ever time I cringe, and a flood of memories fill my mind to remind me how replaceable I am. You’re nothing special. No one likes you. They are just with you until they find someone better.
No wonder I fail in life. I can’t even have confidence in playing violin. Even though he says that he doesn’t care if I make it or not, the results clearly defines one’s playing. I’ve seen the same dissapointed face of my teacher for so many years each time I have failed. I’m just too much of a let down.
I find myself close to tears everyday in school,but it’s ironic because I never seem to be able to cry.
I’ve realized how much I’ve changed this year. I’ve built walls and secluded myself from everyone else.
I don’t even know who to ask to sign my yearbook because they probably won’t even have anything to write about anyways. Seriously, what is there to reflect on? Literally nothing. I can’t even remember any stark memories that occurred this year. My mind goes blank as if I blocked out all the memories. Maybe I did. I’ve done it in the past anyways… I can’t even remember anything last year anymore. I’ve lost that feeling of being carefree and smiling at everything.
I’ve lost myself this year.I ddon’t think I can retrieve what I’ve lost. It scares me to think of how I’ll never be content ever again.
I’ll just be a blur for the rest of my life and in everyone else’s lives.
It’ll always be the same. The same words of who are you again? The blank expression on their faces when they realize they don’t know me. I’m just a stranger in their eyes.
In fact, I truly don’t exist in this world. Hell, lack of emotions, I’m just an empty shell anyways. And I wonder why no one remembers me. Who would ever remember an empty shell. It’s just nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing in this world.
